The Worst Admirer

Ever feel like the closest ones to you are the same ones who hurt you the most?

Time and time again you feel like the same people betray you & sometimes in an indirect way.

This person is your loudest supporter. The giver to anything you need. The one yelling “That’s my girl!!” The person who calls to check in even if you never do. The one who listens to all your problems and even gives pretty good advice.

This person may be a family member a mom, dad, sister, or brother. Or a really close friend.

They may give you money and lots of it. Maybe this is their way of distracting you from who they really are. Or the person they are to you.

This person really runs the race for you.

The one who goes the extra mile so that you know they are in your corner. They never want you to forget it.

The person who implodes their emotion on your behalf. If you hurt, they hurt.

At least that’s what they portray.

They may even cry or burst out in anger over your problems more so than you do.

Ever felt like they were more upset than you were over something that happened to you?

This person acts like your BIGGEST advocate. The one who's really got your back when push comes to shove. And you believe that to be true.

But then.... you hear the whispers. You find out all the little remarks they've made about you. The judgement they've declared behind your back. All the "she owe's me" conversations.

It's as if this person pretended to be your number one supporter in life to your face but behind your back annihilates you. Still this person acts as if they've done no wrong.

If they begin to feel like you may know what they've said or done they quickly do something to show you how much they care.

A quick text reminding you how much they love you, a funny message, or even an offer to do something for you.

It's not always behind your back though. Sometimes they shock you with a direct hit.

A blow straight to the face.

Somehow putting you down or making some remark insinuating how stupid you are.

The little side comments. "Wow you're planning on doing that or that blonde in you is really showing. Why don't you have a boyfriend, yet? What are you doing wrong."

As if all blondes somehow are idiotic people who can't think for themselves.

And not having a boyfriend means you are incapable of love.

What do you do with this information you've received?

Continue to act like you don't know or confront them?

If you confront them about the whispers and they deny then what?

Do you lash back at their constant degrading remarks?

Do you erase them from your life?

Do you take all the good away because of the bad?

This person might be an enormous part of your world and your kids.

And if you don't want to confront do you pretend like it's not happening and keep a safe distance? You know this is toxic to your relationship and even your mental health. One way or another it will weigh on you.

So what do you do?

I truly don't believe there is one correct answer because nothing is ever black and white.

There is a lot of gray matter.

If you're at a place in your life where you can cut this person out, then do it!

They are toxic.

Other than their favors & late night talks this person is damaging.

May be crazy to say because they have done so much for you, but trust me.

When they build you up then tear you down whether it's directly or indirectly it breaks you down little by little.

Step one to re-build yourself back up is to get rid of the people bringing you down.

You can't do anything until you've done that.

But if extinguishing someone from your life for good, especially a family member isn't doable, then I suggest distancing yourself as much as possible. To the point they barely exist in your world.

Start building a life without them in it.

Stop calling them just to talk, even when you have the urge.

Stop taking money from them or depending on it.

Stop venting to them about your problems. Don't give them any dirty details of your life.

Start building your life little by little with what you have.

Let non-toxic people surround you. Let them lift you up not break you down.

Find another shoulder to lean on in times of stress.

Trust yourself enough to let go of those who bring calamity to your tiny world.

It's okay to say, those people aren't good for me.

It's okay to move forward & let whoever it may be stay in the past.

It's okay to want better for yourself or your kids.

It's okay to say no.

It's also okay to say YES to a new future with new people in it.

You deserve GOOD, HONEST people. Go find them and hold onto them!